By Fr Myron J. Pereira
DO priests and religious have problems with mental health or emotional well-being? The very idea seems strange and discomfiting to most lay people.
Religious, both men and women, are expected to be models of perfect human behavior; upright, positive and continually cheerful; or so at least the laity view them. How, then, can one even suggest an emotional lack of balance or potential neuroticism?
It may well be argued that the laity look at their clergy as pre-teen children look upon their parents: Dad and Mom are larger than life and can do no wrong.
And when it turns out that Daddy and Mommy are not as edifying as we thought; an alcoholic father or a carping, oppressive mother; the dismay and disillusion can indeed be traumatic.
The opposite is what this false ideal does to religious themselves. Everyone tries to edify; everyone puts on a show, andeveryone is concerned with “what will people say?”
At best, one turns a hypocrite; at worst, one gets an early breakdown.
Superiors and community life
All this has pertinence to the role of the superior in the community.
Is the superior a superman or a wonder-woman “carrying the community on his shoulders in prayer” ? Or is he just “one of the boys,” only a bit older and wiser? Should he keep his nose out of what doesn’t concern him? Is there anything at all that shouldn’t concern him?
Consider any fair-sized community of priests or nuns. It is bound to include many who experience the tensions of being with others and whose temperaments and personalities adversely affect common living.
Father A is always cynical and incessantly critical. Father B is a closet alcoholic. Father C is a TV addict, and there are daily fights over choices of programs. Father D is a workaholic. Father E is a depressive.
Other examples include priests burdened by dependency and intimacy needs or men and women caught up in relationships of a compulsive or demeaning nature. Or men caught up in anxiety neuroses, which disempower them from making any decisions. Or men who use their authority as a source of gratification in order to control others.
The variations are endless.
The role of the superior impinges directly upon the health of the community. It is because a superior is constantly in demand; like a parent; to fulfill the needs of the dysfunctional members of the community. And over and above all, he is usually blamed for everything that goes wrong!
Or put in another way: how can we motivate and reassure men who have often reached the limits of their performance potential, and who cannot or will not learn more? Moreover, what if they are often beset with their private anxieties and inferiority?
How do you teach them to negotiate, persuade, get along with, and seek a deeper life?
Modern society in a state of transition
It is, in essence, a spiritual problem, a question of the quality of one’s soul and interiority. But it underlies problems both in ministry as well as in common living.
It remains true, nonetheless, that religious life is in a state of transition, as is all society. One proof of this is the tension in most families, especially in the West, with soaring divorce rates and fractured ties between parents and children.
Even religious women are influenced by secular models even more than before.
Since the Vatican Council, the whole style of governance has changed. Democracy has brought participation to the fore. However, with participation, we also see mediocrity, manipulation, sectarianism, and petty-mindedness. It has long been present in governments; and now, we have begun to notice it among the clergy and the religious as well.
What is the place of ‘filial obedience’? Probably less and less in communities of formed religious. A ‘father-son’ relationship , though necessary and helpful at certain initial stages, cannot be the paradigm anymore for ‘friends in the Lord.’
Religious and priestly communities have gathered to live and work together in terms of equality, freedom, and common inspiration.
And the friendship I’m speaking of is not that of a men’s club. There’s a certain degree of individualism among priests, true, but the challenge remains; how to respect the individual needs of each and, at the same time, foster the common goals of the ministry.
Most priests are excellent workers by themselves. But they’re poorer as team members unless they are on top, and worst of all when it comes to corporate action, which demands them to sacrifice some part of their “turf.”
Respect, forgiveness, gratitude
It also means that, curiously, respect is more important than love. Religious are expected to love each other, and not infrequently feign affection for each other. But where there is respect, love will follow. It is a sounder basis for a relationship than some kind of dutiful feeling shorn of all realism.
This brings me to one of the core values of all common living; the ability to forgive. Reconciliation, forgiveness, the healing of past hurts, compassion, and mutual acceptance; there can never be anything but a superficial community without these.
Forgiveness is the safety valve for those crises of anger and resentment that bring so much unhappiness to the lives of adult men and women.
If forgiveness is one important need, gratitude is the other.
Experiencing the immensity and gratuity of God’s grace evokes thankfulness as well as other positive feelings. We come to see that God has gifted us with everything in this life, and this leads to a marked degree of psychological contentment.
The dynamic is reciprocal. The realization of my giftedness leads, in turn, to an overwhelming sense of gratitude, which leads me to a desire for service.
Forgiveness and thankfulness. With these two values as mainstays in our communities, what need would there be for superiors at all? – UCA News
