By Deacon Dr Leslie Petrus
AN informative Zoom session on the topic Sexual Grooming: What Every Parent Needs to Know was held on Apr 6 from 8.00pm to 9.30pm. The session featured expert speakers including Dr Christabel Esther Terence, a psychiatrist at Hospital Raja Perempuan Bainun Ipoh and a lecturer at UniKL; Fr Martinian Lee, parish priest of the Church of the Holy Family in Ulu Tiram; and Deacon Anthony Chua, PSO Bishop’s Delegate for the Diocese of Malacca Johore and a practising lawyer.
Dr Christabel, the main speaker at the online session, provided a comprehensive overview of the topic of sexual grooming. Her presentation covered several critical areas, including:
• Defining sexual grooming
• The grooming process
• Identifying warning signs in adults involved in grooming
• Recognising warning signs in children who may be victims
• Strategies for protecting children and ensuring their safety
Grooming is a deliberate process used by perpetrators to gain a child’s trust and isolate them for exploitation. This process can begin as early as childhood, with children aged 10- 12 being the most targeted. Perpetrators are often known to the child and their family, including relatives, friends, and, increasingly, individuals met through social media. Online grooming often involves tricking or coercing the child into engaging in sexual activities via chat, videos, or photos. In physical settings, perpetrators may use persuasion through gifts, compliments, or excessive praise to gain the child’s trust.
Dr Christabel devoted considerable time during the session to helping parents recognise red flags in adult behaviour and signs of distress in affected children. Adults involved in grooming often give excessive attention to the child, such as offering gifts, giving frequent praise, or engaging in physical affection, such as hugs, that may make the child feel uncomfortable. This type of behaviour may blur boundaries, particularly in family settings where hugging could be a sensitive issue.
Parents are urged to watch for changes in their child’s behaviour, relationships, and routines. Key warning signs include shifts in how the child interacts with others, increased time spent online, and physical or emotional changes. Parents should also be attentive to signs such as a decline in academic performance, secretive behaviour, emotional withdrawal, or a reluctance to spend time with family. Being aware of these patterns is crucial for early detection and intervention.
Dr Christabel stressed the critical role parents and the church play in supporting children when indicators of grooming are clear. She emphasised that when a child discloses such sensitive information, parents must listen attentively, without judgment, and remain calm and patient. This, she noted, is one of the greatest challenges parents face in these situations.
Once a disclosure is made, Dr Christabel urged parents to take immediate action. The first step is to ensure the child’s safety by keeping the perpetrator away. Parents should also seek help from a professional counsellor or a medical doctor (preferably female) if they are unsure how to proceed. If there is evidence of wrongdoing and the child is a minor, it is essential to file a police report, as required by law. Unfortunately, there are cases where families have chosen to hush up such incidents out of fear of shame or protecting family dignity.
In her closing remarks, Dr Christabel emphasised the importance of preventative education for parents of young children, starting as early as age three. Children should be taught about body ownership and personal boundaries, with the understanding that only parents (usually the mother) and medical professionals with appropriate authority (such as a doctor or nurse) should be allowed to touch them. She also stressed that children must be taught that no adult should ever ask them to keep a secret from their parents, especially if there is any threat of punishment for disclosure.
Dr Christabel advised parents to closely monitor their child’s technology use, including their behaviour on electronic devices and online platforms. She also warned against sharing personal or family information online, particularly when it comes to pictures of children. Parents should be especially cautious if their child is talented or frequently in the public eye, as this can increase the risk of exploitation.
Deacon Anthony provided an important update on Malaysian laws governing sexual offences against minors during the session. He emphasised that anyone aware of a sexual offence involving a minor must take immediate action. If the minor informs their parents, or in the case of a parish, both the parents and the parish priest must report the incident to the police. Failure to do so carries legal consequences, he stressed.
Deacon Anthony also outlined the procedure for handling such cases within the parish. Whether the perpetrator is a layperson (such as a youth leader or catechist) or a clergy member, the victim’s parents must notify the PSO Delegate — who is Deacon Anthony himself. He, along with two members from the PSO, will conduct an investigation. If concrete evidence is found, the case will be referred to the bishop, who will make the final decision and subsequently report the matter to the police for further investigation. At that point, the PSO will cease its investigation.
Regarding the parties involved, Deacon Anthony explained that the alleged offender will be temporarily removed from their duties until proven guilty, while the victim will be provided with necessary protection. He also noted that the PSO has been actively conducting awareness sessions across various language groups within the diocese, particularly targeting those involved with children and youth, to ensure better understanding and prevention of such incidents.
To conclude the session, Fr Martinian shared his pastoral experience working with young teenagers who had been sexually involved. He discussed the deep guilt and shame these individuals often carry and how it significantly impacts their lives. Fr Martinian helps them by encouraging participation in spiritual camps, church youth activities, and the Sacrament of Reconciliation, offering a path toward healing and restoration. If the emotional pain is especially profound, he refers them to counselling services for further support.
Fr Martinian also cautioned parents of young children to closely monitor their children’s phone usage and online chats. He warned that many perpetrators pretend to be the same age as their targets and establish online friendships. With parents often working, the risks of neglecting these behaviours can be costly.
The session concluded with a Q&A, where participants raised several sensitive questions. Dr Christabel’s insights brought much-needed awareness to the issue of sexual grooming, especially with the growing influence of social media, where control is minimal. Many attendees were also informed about the Catholic Church’s Personal Standard Office (PSO) in Malaysia, which handles sexual complaints within the Church.
Fr Martinian closed the conversation with a prayer and a blessing, leaving the participants with a sense of hope and support. It was truly a blessing, and we give thanks to God for such a valuable and enlightening discussion. – Herald Malaysia
