Serena (back row, far right). Taken in 2019 as the group gathered at a cafe to mark the closing journey of the Catholism course.
By Serena Wong
Aug 12 2021
“God is faithful” has been the Name of God that I hold on to since 2013. It has given me a sense of security and courage to be myself and in my pursuit of what I believe God has entrusted me with.
Throughout these years, my life has been on a rosy path. There are so many stories I can share – all good news about God’s providence in my personal life, God’s providence for the growth of my ministry, blessing my journey with all the graces I needed throughout, be it financially, materially or the people. God has blessed all that I am doing because I am seeing fruit, achievement, and result. All these have made it easy for me to constantly proclaim that “My God is Faithful.”
My journey has reached to a point where I felt clearly that God was inviting me to step out of my comfort zone, to step into the deep, beyond the known horizon.
God gave me a dream to start a community house, with the intention to provide a safe haven for people to encounter and rest in God. It is a dream that is too big for me. However, God has never ceased to reveal His faithfulness throughout the journey to realize the dream. Even as I started to gather and plan to go about the community house, I saw God’s providence, even beyond what I could imagine. This has excited my community members too. As we began to grasp how the dream would come true, we were all on fire.
Five days later, news broke out that one of us was tested positive with COVID-19. I was trying to take it easy because I was only in brief contact with the infected person.
On 13 May 2021, we were all excited to finally gather at the house to clean and to set up. This was the first time we gathered together. We had so much fun cleaning and arranging the furniture. We also spent time in sharing and in prayer. I felt so strongly that it was as if Jesus was in the “boat” with us as we crossed over to the other side. It gave me so much courage to want to make this happen. We ended our time together with a good, delicious meal.
Five days later, news broke out that one of us was tested positive with COVID-19. I was trying to take it easy because I was only in brief contact with the infected person. The first thing next day, I went for my swab test and within 10 minutes, the clinic rang and told me that my result was positive. It was frightening and worrying. I started listing the names of the people I have met and contacted them, encouraging them to go for the swab test.
The first week after being tested positive was very draining for me. The process of waiting for those in close contact with me to be tested – waiting, hoping and praying, was exhausting. Especially for my family which comprises my two elderly parents and my two nieces, a 4-yr old and the other a 7-month old baby. I felt dreadful because as an adult, the swab test experience has been an unpleasant one; what more when my precious little nieces needed to go through their swab tests. In addition, two of the teens that I have met were showing symptoms of headache and body ache. I have never in my life prayed so hard before, hoping that their results would be negative. I thanked God they all turned out well. But the question for me then was “Is God truly faithful?”
“Maybe God is making this happen because in all that you are doing for God, you have not been trusting that God is God.”
All kinds of thoughts came crowding into my mind:
“This is the end of everything, be it ministry, be it community, be it the dream.”
“It’s all my fault. I’ve put my members and my family at risk.”
“Everyone will be angry and distant from me.”
“I must have done something wrong.”
“If Jesus is real, He would not have let this happen to us.”
“If Jesus is my protector, my family members will be safe from the virus.”
Especially when an elder said this to me “Maybe God is making this happen because in all that you are doing for God, you have not been trusting that God is God.” This statement turned my world into chaos. I thought, God must now be punishing me for not trusting Him.
“Quiet now! Be calm! … Why are you so frightened? How is it that you have no faith?” I pulled myself together, returning to the truth of who God is.
It made things worse when family members of my community members were tested positive. It grew from one to seven, to becoming a cluster, and we were on the newspaper headlines (though our names were kept anonymous). I was hoping that all these did not happen. I wished I had not gathered them that day to clean the house and for lunch.
Then came a woman of wisdom who said this to me in regards to my punishing image of God, “Such a small knowledge of God.” It was as if the voice of Jesus in the Gospel of Mark (4: 35-41) that says “Quiet now! Be calm! … Why are you so frightened? How is it that you have no faith?” I pulled myself together, returning to the truth of who God is.
With the wisdom shared by my friend, I reflected repeatedly on the most significant truth of who my God is – He is my faithful companion. The promise that He holds true for me is “I am with you always.” What this promise holds true for me is that regardless of my circumstances, whether in good or in bad times, in good health or in sickness, in success or in failures, I am with you, through it all. I could not have wished that this incident did not happen, that the pandemic is an illusion. But with this reality of my circumstances, Jesus was in fact present with me, through this turmoil. Have I come to this awareness?
During the time of quarantine, I had time to recall God’s faithfulness throughout my journey and was filled with gratefulness for the works He has completed in me and through me. So, when I was in quarantine, when all things seemed to have stopped, Jesus was faithfully present with me. This truth gave me assurance of His faithful presence.
When all thoughts of blaming and faults were playing in my head, the amount of encouragement and prayer support that I have received from my family, people of all walks of life and ages were enormous.
One of His prominent presence that I sensed throughout quarantine was that a friend entered the same quarantine centre as I did. Due to medication, she was mostly sleeping to recover. It was to me an icon of Jesus, sleeping in my boat, through the storm. I was accompanied. I was not alone.
When all thoughts of blaming and faults were playing in my head, the amount of encouragement and prayer support that I have received from my family, people of all walks of life and ages were enormous. A few parishioners texted me saying “God must have something big for you to accomplish.” Upon my discharge, there were already a few people wanting to date me in person to hear my experience. I was supported. I was not forgotten.
I thought this incident would have crushed the community. We were gathered in a whatsapp group to bless, share and support each other as we went through the days of testing, waiting, in tears, in laughter, doubting God, trusting God, turning away from God and running back to Him. We met every night to pray together. Among these were the young adults that I have been ministering to, and at such a moment they were being present with us…. a family of four, finally united in prayers and experiencing the support of community and the presence of God. God was indeed present. I was not abandoned.
I am truly filled with awe and wonder of God’s almightiness. What is most significant for me personally is that He reveals that He is faithfully present, and I am worthy of this faithful love. He too wants to be with you and is with you, my dear brothers and sisters in Christ, in good times and in bad times, in health and in sickness, in success and in failure, in sunny days and in stormy days. What is your response?
