Catholic couples attend a service at Phu Cam Cathedral in Hue Archdiocese on June 17 (Photo: UCA News)
Jul 11 2023
Joachim Tran has been living alone since he and his wife filed for divorce in early 2022.
To avoid being taunted about his unhappy marriage, Tran attends Mass in other locations away from his local church.
He feels pressure when his own parents, who are deeply ashamed of his broken marriage, treat him with disrespect and neighbors ask him to mend ties with his estranged wife.
“I cannot live with her again because she betrayed my trust and the Catholic faith,” the construction worker said.
Tran’s case is typical of young couples who have marriage problems in Hue Archdiocese, comprising Vietnam’s two central provinces of Quang Tri and Thua Thien, according to local priests.
Nearly 20 couples submit petitions for marriage annulment to the archdiocese each year and it takes an average of five years to resolve an annulment.
Tran said his wife embraced Catholicism in 2010 to marry him but later returned to Buddhism and took the children to local pagodas.
The father of two said his wife has been living with another man and her parents have urged her to divorce him.
In April, they obtained a divorce from a court in Hue in central Vietnam and custody of his two children was given to her.
He sought an annulment from the Church last year and was told to wait for a thorough probe.
“I know, our broken marriage is still valid in the Church but I cannot mend it. I want the Church to grant me an annulment so that I can remarry because I want my new marriage to be blessed and my future children to join the Church,” the 35-year-old said.
Church officials said the number of divorces in local parishes has increased steadily in past years as couples may live far away from their hometowns, have no children, lose intimacy, run into financial difficulties, have religious differences, or are victims of social evils.
Many couples seek annulments in secular courts. Later, they remarry without paying attention to spiritual life, they added.
Only a few divorced couples approach the Church for annulments to abide by the norms, the priests said.
They added that the archdiocese grants five marriage annulments per year to those whose spouses suffered from mental health issues before the wedding, who have been deceived into marriage by matchmakers, and who are abandoned by their foreign spouses.
All other estranged couples are encouraged to return to live with one another.
State-run media reported that Vietnam records around 60,000 divorces per year, which means one in four couples apply for a divorce.
Many young couples seek divorce within a short time of their wedding.
Anne Do, a Hue resident who divorced her “violent and unfaithful” husband in the city court in 2021, said she applied for an annulment with the Church in 2019 but her case has not been resolved yet.
The 36-year-old mother of one said her parish priest “encourages me not to remarry until I am given an annulment by the Church.”
“But, I am not told when my case will be completed,” she said.
“I have a boyfriend and want to marry him soon to live a new life and forget the old broken marriage that still haunts me,” she said, adding that she is disrespected by other people for her marital breakup.
Do, who dares not join her parish-based lay associations for fear of being taunted, said the Church should grant annulments to those whose broken marriages cannot be saved.
“How can I return to live with my old husband who used to beat me senseless, left me, remarried and gave up the Catholic faith,” she said.
Her husband converted to Catholicism to marry her 20 years ago.
The food seller at a local market said one of her divorced friends left the Church and remarried a non-Catholic man as she was discouraged by the fact that her case had not been dealt with for six years.
Elizabeth Ton from Our Lady of Perpetual Help Parish in Hue Archdiocese had to move to another place as a way to get away from social pressures after her son’s marriage break-up.
Ton said her son, who went through a painful divorce in February after he lost his job, was disrespected by his parents-in-law and remarried a Buddhist woman.
He got a temporary job and now lives in the neighboring city of Da Nang.
“As a mother, his failed marriage was extremely painful for me, and I had no choice but to allow him to remarry because he is still young and cannot live alone for the rest of his life,” the 60-year-old widow said.
“The Church as a kind and motherly woman should do something to save its poor children,” she said.
Father James Phan Van Trung of Loc Tri Parish said 28 Catholic couples from the parish have appealed to secular courts for marriage annulments for the past four years.
The parish used to record only one divorce per year in the past.
Trung blamed the break-ups on economic woes, infidelity, domestic violence, and forced marriages in which men are told to marry their pregnant girlfriends.
Many parents could not see each other and their children on a regular basis as they worked different shifts.
The priest said he pays visits, offers material and emotional support to divorced people as a way to comfort them, and encourages them to live a good life, raise their children, and work out satisfactory solutions to their problems as their marriages are still valid in the Church.
Some local priests warn that the increasing number of divorces will pose tough challenges for the local Church because many people will abandon their faith, convert to other religions, indulge in gambling, drinking and other social evils, suffer severe depression and even commit suicide.
They said the Church should allow couples whose marriage problems cannot be resolved to get a divorce to save them from bad things.
They noted those who divorce through secular courts try to remarry quickly to feed their big ego and ignore faith practices.
Gradually, they suffer from a guilt complex and keep themselves away from the Church, the priests added.
Their children are deprived of faith education and are not allowed to follow a religious life.
About the long wait for Church approval, Tran said he is caught in a terrible dilemma about whether to remarry without a Church ceremony or live alone for the rest of his life.
“I am still young enough to remarry and build a better marriage. If not, my life will become terrible. I do not know how to deal with this.” – UCA News
