ONE of the hardest things for us to do is “to forgive”.
Even though we pray, saying the Our Father “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us”, we all struggle with it.
Things of the past keep lingering in our thoughts and imagination. Sometimes or even often our memories affect emotions that remain raw and sensitive. The pain and suffering caused for instance by divorce, family disputes, quarrels, racism, cheating, fraud etc. can easily go on for years. They never seem to find closure.
There is no magic solution. Some people, knowing that they had to forgive, keep asking the Lord in prayer, only to discover that prayer is not the magic wand.
All that frequent prayer does, is make us focus more on the problem. When you keep staring at a little dirty spot on your shirt or dress, the spot becomes bigger, and you land up thinking that the whole shirt or dress is dirty. In the same way, continued prayer. Often it is better to pay little or no attention to it so that it can be taken care of in another way.
Here it is important to understand something about God and prayer. Prayer constitutes our relationship with God. When God “chose us before the foundation of the world” Ephesians 1:4 he had a dream for our life, namely plans not for evil, but a future and a hope” Jeremiah 29:11.
He created us “with a free will” and “a free choice” to accept or not to accept. At times it seems almost unbelievable that he respects us so much that he allows us to choose freely. It is truly a free gift, otherwise we would be controlled like “puppets on a string”.
Let us thus look once again at forgiveness. Following those instances that have created resentment and bitterness, we have a choice, either to forgive or not to forgive.
If you do not want to forgive you will suffer the consequences of that decision. A bad outcome of this is not a punishment from God, but simply a result of our bad decisions.
If, on the other hand, you choose to forgive, you can rely on God’s help to show you ways, other than confronting things head-on, how to dissolve the unforgiveness in your heart.
One way to soften those hurts of the past is to apply the words of Pope Francis when he said “Who am I to judge?”
With this attitude of not judging the situations of conflict, quarrels, disputes etc. I receive wisdom to put things in perspective. The past is the past, and even though I may have my opinion on things, others will also have theirs.
In such moments it is good to apply the Pope’s words which come from the words of St. Paul “With me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. I do not even judge myself. I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore, do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then every man will receive his commendation from God.”1 Corinthians 4:3-5”.
Thus, Scripture tells us not to judge because we will all be judged by God. He is the “Ultimate Judge”, that is, he has the Last Judgment.
When you and I think about the Last Judgement, we often have unhealthy images of an angry God who condemns us to hellfire. The Last Judgment, however, should rather be understood as God, who understands all things, having the final say about what is right or wrong.
Therefore, when he tells us not to judge, we receive the wisdom to let things of the past be bygone and to move on making the right choices that will help us accomplish what we desire to do with our life. In that way, we will please and give honour to God!
Question:
Do I treat God like a magician, who I want to change the things in my life?
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Fr Guido Gockel MHM
A member of St Joseph’s Missionary Society of Mill Hill, headquartered near London, Father Guido was ordained a priest in 1969. Shortly after ordination, he was sent to Malaysia (Sarawak) where he served as a missionary for 18 years.
While on a vacation to Sabah, he was introduced to a group of young people who had become involved in the Charismatic Movement (CCR). This experience helped him to be instrumental in introducing CCR to Miri, Sarawak, where he was assigned to a mission outpost.
Since his first missionary stint of seven years in the early 70’s, he has been back to Malaysia three more postings, and numerous short visits. He has acquired a basic knowledge of “Melayu pasar” and other languages of Sarawak
Catholic Sabah has the privilege of being acquainted with Fr Guido, who has been generous in giving his time to write for a year under the column titled “I’m on My Way” since the launching of the Catholic Sabah online portal in 2020.
With a little encouragement, Fr Guido has agreed to continue to write, and thus Catholic Sabah decided to upload his writings, once every month, in both English and Bahasa Melayu. Father is open to questions, to offer further discussion/explanation. He can be reached through email or whatsapp @ frguidomhm@gmail.com.
