By Shwathi Sudharshan
DO you think or reflect on your friends?
Growing up, my mother always talked about boundaries when it came to friendships. Obviously, I didn’t understand at the time why she was set on me doing just that. I believed my friends were true and loyal. But gradually, as time passed, I realised she made so much sense.
In secondary school, I had a close friend with whom I shared everything. I preferred our one-on-one interactions and wasn’t keen on joining larger friend groups. Despite this, my friend eventually formed a larger group. While I tried to fit in, I often felt like I didn’t quite belong.
As time passed, my feelings of being out of place grew, and eventually, a misunderstanding led to the dissolution of our friendship. It was a hard phase to go through but here are some lessons learnt:
1) Acceptance
Going through the breakup of a friendship can be difficult, especially when it takes time to accept that the relationship is over. For me, it was a process that I had to go through. I had to focus on myself in order to move forward.
For some, it is tempting to reject the end of a friendship. There is a tendency to keep hoping for reconciliation. However, it’s important to acknowledge the reality of the situation and use it as an opportunity for personal growth and self-care.
Accepting the end of a friendship doesn’t mean forgetting the good times or replacing that person. It’s about embracing the future, forcing the past to remain in the past and putting your best interests first. By focusing on improving yourself and surrounding yourself with positivity, you can emerge from this experience stronger and more resilient.
2) Move forward
I understand that moving on from a breakup can feel very overwhelming, especially when memories of happy times fill your mind. It is natural to think about the past and feel a sense of loss. But dwelling on the past can hinder your progress towards a brighter future.
Instead of seeing the separation as an obstacle, view it as an opportunity to grow and find yourself. Every experience, even a difficult one, can teach us valuable lessons about ourselves and our relationships. Embrace this opportunity to learn and grow, and you will emerge stronger and more resilient.
3) Seek support
Seeking help from others can be difficult, especially after a friendship has broken down. I remember feeling scared as I reached out for help, not knowing how others would react. However, I have found it incredibly useful to be open with trusted individuals.
Remember, true friends will help you through difficult times. They will listen without judging and offer comfort and guidance. By sharing your feelings and experiences with others, you not only lighten the emotional burden but also create opportunities for healing and growth.
I was pleasantly surprised by the outpouring of support. My family offered words of encouragement and helped me through the healing process. Their support not only comforted me but also gave me strength to move forward with new hope.
If you hesitate to seek help, remember that reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness. True friends will be there for you, offering their unwavering support and helping you heal along the way.
4) Set boundaries
Establishing boundaries after a broken friendship is critical to your emotional wellbeing. You may want to isolate yourself or engage in grief, but these behaviours can often prolong the healing process. Instead, focus on expressing yourself and setting clear boundaries with others.
When you express your thoughts, you are in control of your emotions, allowing you to deal with the damage in a healthy way. Find an outlet for your feelings through journaling, art, or talking with a trusted friend or therapist. Setting boundaries also means keeping in mind who you allow to influence your thoughts and decisions.
While others’ advice can be helpful, it’s important to remember that you ultimately know what’s best for you. Take the advice that touches your heart and discard the rest.
In addition, it is important to set boundaries with former friends. This means limiting or cutting off contact, especially in the early stages of healing. Avoiding situations that remind you of the past can also help prevent unnecessary pain and stimulation.
By setting boundaries, you control your healing process and create space for yourself to heal and grow. This is a powerful step to regain your sense of self and move forward with confidence.
Navigating a friendship breakup can be an emotional rollercoaster. From my own experiences, I have learnt how important it is to set boundaries and focus on self-care in times like these. It is important to recognise that healing takes time, and to acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself time to grieve. Relying on friends, family, or a therapist for support can help you process your feelings and move on.
Ultimately, friendship breakups can be an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. It can teach you important lessons about yourself and your relationships, helping you build healthier and more fulfilling relationships in the future.
“If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.” – Paulo Coelho, author.
