Beauty from Ashes

A mirror is a girl’s best friend…

But that was not the case for me when I was a teenager. I disliked what I saw in the mirror. I wished I could have a “perfect” body. I then asked myself, “Is being fat not beautiful? And if I am not beautiful, does that mean I am not accepted? Does this mean I’m incapable of anything? Why do I feel rejected and cast out?” These doubts took strong roots in me at the age of 10.

I wore a white, fluffy sweater to school one day as I was not feeling well. A schoolmate called me “Big Snowman” because I appeared large. I felt a wave of shame crashed over me so I hurried to my classroom to hide. I could feel my heart sinking from the humiliation. From then on, I started perceiving myself in a shameful light.

When I was in my university, meeting Tracy was one of my biggest joy. She is one of my superb encourager and closest friends. She made sure every time I body shame myself, she would quickly remind me of who I am, to accept my weaknesses and celebrate my strengths. We are formed through people around us – that’s true for me. Through Tracy, I felt God’s encouragement for me and that He is proud of creating me. For me, it is like knowing my existence matters. I am not only important, but very, very loved by Him.

Since then, I desired to want to know more of God who loves me…but it took years for me to digest it, even until today.

Since then, I desired to want to know more of God who loves me, who He is. That was my turning point. It was easy to say but it took years for me to digest it, even until today. I see myself as a beloved daughter of God and receiving constant love from a friend like Tracy, was a tangible healing touch of God, slowly but surely nurtured my broken heart.

Experiencing God’s transformative love encouraged me to search for a platform to empower others. So I started an all-things-beauty YouTube channel in 2017. This channel has helped me in my journey of acceptance and restoration. I can now see myself as someone who is beautiful – living in creativity, sincerity and empowering others to discover their true beauty. From the ashes of the struggle of my self image, God is the one who brings out the beauty in me (Isaiah 61:3). His presence throughout my journey of restoration was deeply felt.

Although I may not always see it, or feel it, or even comprehend it, I know that He was, is and always will be with me.

Reflection questions:

How do you see yourself today, as you look at your reaction towards others?
What would bring you closer to the truth of who God says you are?

Prayer:

Father, I lift up the struggle of my self image to you. I have chosen to believe in the lies of who I am and neglected the truth of who you say I am. I ask for your light to shine within me, to light up every broken image within me that I have believed in. I ask that you would take my ashes and turn it into beauty, trade my mourning into dancing and darkness into hope. Thank you that you are with me in whatever I am facing today. I praise you, and I love you. Amen.

Debbie Rose works as a nutritionist, helping people to live a healthy lifestyle. Her passion is in drawing out beauty in young women.