I am a primary school teacher. Teaching brings extraordinary joy to me. There is hardly anything that can easily distract this joy once I start teaching in the classroom.
But one fine day last year, I was disturbed by one of my students. I disliked her. She looked taller, bigger and much more matured compared to her 7-year old friends. She looked like a 10-year old girl. I often tend to ignore her in the class. Now, why is that a problem for me? I brought this matter to God in prayer. Deep down, I knew something must be going on within me to feel this way towards her.
“Doesn’t she remind you of someone?”
Immediately my mind was brought back to my 10-year old self. I saw myself there in the classroom. I was wearing my school uniform, the usual white top and a skirt. I was the class monitor. I was asked to write down the names of those who misbehaved. Thus, everyone was looking at me, or I guessed they would be…
I felt that I was forced to grow up and could not play with the others. I hated the attention. I hated being the class monitor because it meant that I was constantly noticed.
I felt ashamed and uncomfortable. My breasts have fully matured while the rest of my girlfriends could still run around freely with the other boys. They were teasing me “yerr… you are big already…” I felt that I was forced to grow up and could not play with the others. I hated the attention. I hated being the class monitor because it meant that I was constantly noticed. I had nowhere to hide. I hated my breasts too. Why me first? I grew up not liking my body. For many years, I was overly worried if my shirt or dress brought attention to my chest.
One day, in my prayer time, I was reading Psalm 139:14 “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful and I know that full well.” I was drawn to contemplate on this verse although I did not feel wonderful, especially after remembering what happened to me when I was 10.
I used the Lectio Divina as the form of prayer to reflect deeper on it. This method has 4 steps.
- Reading the passage slowly and carefully
- Prayer or having a conversation with God
- Meditate on the words/verse that speak to us
- Contemplation or resting in God’s presence by allowing Him to speak to us
In the prayer, I told God everything that has happened and how I felt.
During the contemplation, I felt Jesus lovingly said to me, “You are wonderfully made. You are beautiful”. Hearing that from Him, I felt a deep sense of being loved and accepted.
Since the encounter with God the loving Father, I have more love and affection for my body. I am wonderfully made by God. I am also being extra nice to the little girl in my class. I felt being kind to her is a way to love my little self and it brings healing to me.
Everyday, I now find the opportunity to bless and love my body:
“Breasts, you are good. Thank you for producing milk for my baby girl.”
“Hands, you are effective. Thank you for helping me today.”
“Eyes, you are beautiful. Thank you for seeing the blessings I receive.”
The list goes on. By constantly remembering my body is good, I am able to love myself and others generously.
Questions:
- In what ways are you seeing your body as good and wonderfully made by God?
- Who are the people whom you can trust to talk about this matter?
Prayer:
Father God, I am wonderfully made by You. Every part of my body is good, even when I do not see it. I surrender any painful memories or hurtful words that were uttered about my body. Lord, you are the gentle healer. I pray for your healing and restoration so I can see the beauty of my body. Today, I claim my body is good and perfectly made by you. Amen.
Jessica Rine loves educating young children to discover their gifts and potentials so they can be the best version of themselves. She is married and has a one-year old daughter.
